Things could definitely suck a lot worse.
I am trying to make this my mantra by repeating it to myself over and over. It is really true. But I need reminders sometimes!
Recovering from major surgery is hard. Losing your breasts is hard. Being away from your kids is hard. The idea that I have another surgery ahead in 2 months is hard.
All of these things suck. Even if you get the “caught early” cancer and don’t need chemo.
But I am hanging in there and giving myself gentle reminders during rough moments.
I am anxious to get things back to normal but am quickly finding that I can’t rush things. Very frustrating for me.
Example: Yesterday I was getting ready to pack my clothes to head home and my mom asked me if I wanted her to pack for me. I almost laughed…how silly! Throw some clothes in a suitcase?
After about 7 minutes of attempting to pack I was completely and utterly exhausted. In fact, I promptly fell asleep and napped for about 2 hours. Anyone who knows me knows I am not a napper. Unlike my husband, I have a really hard time taking a quick nap…have always been envious of people who could do that.
It freaked me out. I mean, if a little packing made me so tired, what will it be like when I get home to the kids? Who I am missing desperately. The past week has been the worst one for all of us. It’s time for me to be home.
Then, today at the airport, there was the whole wheelchair thing.
Wow. I was not expecting how it would feel to be pushed for what seemed like miles around the airport in a wheelchair. It was so odd. Just so uncomfortable for me. Way out of my comfort zone. I am a person who is always on the go and just letting someone take over was so strange.
I actually almost chickened out of the whole thing. When my mom and I saw the line of seniors waiting for their chairs (I was by far the youngest)…I said “Do we really need this?” She insisted, and thank goodness. After getting out of my chair for just the security bag check, and dealing with the bags (I told the attendant to take my laptop out of my bag but she didn’t, etc. etc.), I was again exhausted and anxious to sit back in the chair.
I realized that I really do take the little things for granted. Being in the wheelchair gave me a glimpse into what it must feel like to be a disabled person and just how challenging that would be. I think from now on I will never complain about long lines and airport stress. I will just be thankful to be able to walk to the gate.
Now starts the back at home phase. I am so happy to be going home!
Things could suck a lot worse.